Five years sure fly, right? I took a break from this blog (& a lot of other online venues) to pursue an intensely personal and peculiar intellectual and spiritual project. After a few years, I even thought about taking The Light House offline, gently retiring it like I have so many other things. The sense that I wasn’t quite done with this place, or that there was enough here that might still be useful for someone, sometime, kept me from following through on those impulses. I am glad for that—as I am slowly putting the finishing touches on that more personal project, I am starting to feel like it might be time to come back here.
I don’t know quite what I mean by that yet. My last post five years ago wasn’t an abrupt end; it just completed the quiet slow down that had preceded it by years. What I was doing five and ten years ago sat much closer to my youthful seeking than it does to my more mature sensibilities. I am a quite different person. I am in the middle of a gender transition, that process of changing body and habit to better affirm my inner sense of myself and integrate it (me!) better into my life. In that light, even some of more mature decisions of the last five years have the whiff of evasion. Now, ask me about what preceded that, including many posts here? Whew, some of it reeks of outright denial.
And yet while I don’t have much interest revisiting what came before, there is little here I would outright eschew. I want to build atop my old settlement, let the rest sink like ruins into the landscape that shapes my present efforts. I still recognize myself in the work I did here and I like the continuity of presence picking up this blog affirms. I want to sit in my past a little better even as I build (hopefully) toward my future.
Hello again. My name is Iris. Welcome to The Light House. The water is high, the storm is heavy and hides us from each other, but maybe you’ll see the flashing of this light when you need it, know that you aren’t alone, and gather some hint as to where you might need to steer toward or away from.
Or, you know, maybe just chuckle to yourself. It’s all good.